The Family vs. Socialization

For any parent considering homeschooling as an affordable alternative to a failing public school, the topic of socialization will inevitably come up with friends, colleagues, family, and even educators. “Aren’t you worried about socialization?” or “You don’t want [insert child’s name] to be socially inept, do you?” are questions often posed by homeschooling detractors. So what about socialization? Is the current idea that socialization is best done in the classroom correct, or is it time to rethink that position? More to the point, what is the purpose of school? Socialization or education?

It should be no surprise that socialization is the argument used to cast doubt on home schooling. When it comes to actual education in math, English, history, science, etc., there is no debating that homeschooled kids far outperform their public school peers. Yet anyone who abandons the debate over education outcomes while still focusing on socialization essentially argues that socialization is far more important to a child’s potential success as an adult than education.

If socialization means preparing a child for life as an adult in society, then the debate essentially comes down to whether or not the family’s efforts are sufficient in that regard. To address this question, let us consider how socialization takes place in both the traditional school and the homeschool settings.

The process of socialization in the traditional public school involves taking a child from a family setting at age six or so, and then placing him or her into a classroom for 6-7 hours each weekday nine months out of the year with 20-30 peers of the same age. The kids are instructed in various academic subjects and in social graces by teachers likely using a standardized curriculum chosen by school administrators in order to meet a variety of local, state, and federal mandates. The child has very little choice over what and how to study, and with whom to associate. Ironically, the public school system is dependent upon the family to socialize a child sufficiently from birth so that the child is able to operate away from the family within this environment.

In sharp contrast to the public school approach to socialization, the homeschooling parent-teacher continues the family setting for the child and then incorporates additional studies. As reported by many homeschoolers, the parent-teacher finds ways to individualize the education of the child based on his or her interests and skills. Manners and social graces are acquired in real life settings through interactions with family members and friends. 

In considering the adult lifestyle of most Americans after schooling, we find that most of them return to some sort of family structure; very little of their lives resembles life in the public education system:

• In general as adults, we interact freely with a wide range of individuals of differing ages and personalities.
• In work or play, we likely pursue something that’s of interest to us or suits our skill sets.
• When we do interact in groups, for instance in a work setting, we have, in most cases, chosen to be a part of that group.
• In our interactions with other adults, few of us are troubled by schoolyard antics and bullies because rather than being forced to sit in a room with said bullies while obeying someone for a good part of our life, we can choose with whom we associate.

When considering that it is the family which socially prepares the child for public schooling, and that as adults we live most of our lives in a family setting, the argument that the family is inadequate for and/or incapable of preparing children to become adults seems terribly flawed at best. Though a family could be more or less equipped to properly socialize a child, parents can much more easily and quickly address the individual socialization needs of their children than teachers and administrators dealing with hundreds of kids, bureaucratic rules, and budgets.

If, as many would argue, the duty of schooling is actually to educate, then any parent choosing between homeschooling and public schooling should recognize that, in all likelihood, the homeschooled child will outperform public school students. That, of course, doesn’t mean the decision to do so shouldn’t also be based on a number of other points or that the task of homeschooling won’t seem overwhelming. Nonetheless, no parent or caregiver should fear that their child will not be properly socialized in the homeschool environment, since that’s what parents do naturally.

For those considering homeschooling and for those who would like the perspective of a public school teacher who chose to homeschool her kids, please pick up The Well-Trained Mind. A partial copy of the book is embedded below. The overview is short and well worth the read.